Smoldering embers littered the parched field The wind was still, almost as if the world itself held its breath. The earth trembled and from the fissures on the ground came forth rays of blood-tinged light, at first pulsating slowly and then suddenly exploding in a blinding swirl of luminosity that broke through the fog of war. Slowly, a humanoid being, scorched and battered, arose from the ashes. Destruction surrounded him. Choking fumes and harsh vapors filled the air. He smiled and said nothing. Slowly he walked away into the east where the golden sun rose amidst a crimson sky.

The battle was won. This was it. The day he had been waiting for. A new day to a red dawn…

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything
wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not
make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want
to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a
pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat,
your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
is: No Pain...Good.


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans .....
another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food
around!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
you may have had about food and diets.


Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!


If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to
me.

A most amazing being told me that she was in a melancholic mood. As a physician, I was taught that the word 'melancholy' comes from the Greek 'melankholi.' Melan means black and khol, bile. Melancholy thus stands for black bile. In the old days, an emotional state characterized by sullenness, sadness or depression of the spirits, was believed to arise from black bile. I don't know what strange concoctions they may have used to treat it. I have no surefire prescriptions in my book. I'll just give you John Keats...


Ode on Melancholy

NO, no! go not to Lethe, neither twist
Wolf's-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kist
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries,
Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow's mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.

But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globèd peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.

She dwells with Beauty—Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy's grape against his palate fine;
His soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.

There he stands, head held high, eyes burning with the same fire that powers his soul. His long journey has at last brought him here. 7 years… 7 years… He remembers each backbreaking step, he feels every single crumb of pain that gnaws through his flesh like maggots that just won’t fly away. The sacrifice was worth it. As he raises his clenched fist atop the mighty rock, a deafening cry is echoed by allies old and new. He had succeeded in fulfilling the designs of his very existence. The portal opens in front of him in a gray swirl of antimatter. The cheers of a thousand voices get louder and louder until all is silenced when he finally lowers his hand. He flashes that trademark grin as an aura of red flame surrounds his body. Is it time for him to move into the real world where his abilities are needed? If not now, when?